


So I Can Be Here With You

by paygeling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Castiels grace is low sorry, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hunter Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Sam Winchester (mentioned) - Freeform, The Empty (Supernatural), he sad, the emptys not in this just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 05:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18359147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paygeling/pseuds/paygeling
Summary: Castiel's grace is wavering, but he still likes to help, and Dean likes to patch him up. It gives him an excuse to be able to be intimate with the tired angel. He just wants Castiel to promise him he will let him and sam can take a bullet for him sometime too and he has to do his best to stay alive for him and sam... but mostly him.





	So I Can Be Here With You

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this originally was 'Mother's Psychology'. It was supposed to be a short fluffy story but i wanted to do something more with it, so i made it sad because ive never written anything sad before? I was just gonna post from the beginning all the way to "thank you dean" so if you just want FLUFF... STOP READING THERE. anyway if you do wanna read angst, have fun and let me know if i crushed your soul. thanks!

“You know, when i was little, i used to cry over the smallest cuts and scrapes. I’d stump my toe and throw a fit, id stump my toe a thousand times and acted like i've never felt any pain like it in my whole damn life. I guess this is nothing like that now, huh?” Dean chuckled weakly. Cas winces with the last passing stitch unaffected by Dean trying to distract him. Dean fetches the scissors off the sink and snips the end of the suture. 

Lately, Castiel’s grace has been wavering again but also lately he’s been hell-bent on helping hunt. It hasn’t always been the most successful hunt with Cas but he can still put up a decent fight. Although, he isn’t as alert as he should be, things seem to easily distract him. Dean can’t blame him though, actually having to fight is a little different than just burning them alive from the inside out with only the power of his grace. Even Though he sometimes feels useless, at least he’s at home, with the Winchesters.

With dean.

Where he belongs.

He likes it when Dean tells him stories like this, even if it’s to distract from the sudden sharp, stinging pain in his shoulder as Dean cleans his wound. At least Castiel is remaining consciousness now. Earlier he was blacking out in the back of the impala as Sam tried to maintain constant pressure on his shoulder and keep him from falling over.

“I remember one specific time though, when i scraped my elbow on the carpet falling over the toys i was told to pick up, my mom told me to come here.” He pauses briefly to grab the gauze off the bathroom sink, beginning to wrap Cas’s now sealed and cleaned wound. 

“And i was crying of course being dramatic little asshole and as soon as i thought ‘this is worse than when I stumped my toe!’, she kissed my elbow and in my little toddler brain, the pain just... melted away. Where do you think people got that idea? That kissing it makes it better, that kissing gets rid of pain?” Dean is careful lifting Cas’s arm to wrap the gauze around. 

Castiel squints his eyes “A mother’s psychology is weird but, effective”

Dean huffs a laugh “effective huh?”

Dean looks up to see Castiel with the same confused look.

“Well, I know damn good and well ‘Because I Said So’ was too effective, and ‘To The Count of Three?’” Dean let out a puff of air.

Castiel smiles down at Dean as he tapes down the last flap of gauze on Cas’s shoulder.  
“And just for ‘effectiveness’,” He presses his lips to Cas’s now bandaged shoulder.

Dean reaches over, grabbing Cas’s fresh shirt and slowly helps him into it. 

“Thank you, Dean” 

It was both time for them to leave now but neither of them moves. Dean just kneels in front of Cas, sitting on top of his feet with the scissors and tape clutched tightly in his hands. He hates himself for letting them tremble.

“Cas you know, you mean the world to us. We can’t do this without you. Chuck might have said the world needed me and Sam in it, but we need you, especially me.” Dean swallowed “And if there’s no you-” Castiel reaches forward taking the gauze and scissors out of his hands and sits them in the sink. 

“Dean, I-”

“No Cas don’t say that you know because you sure as hell don’t act like it. You don’t get to just say that you know and then keep throwing yourself in front of me and sam like you’re our bullet shield!” Dean brings his head down trying to collect his thoughts. Trying to tell find the best way to tell Cas how he feels. To make him feel loved so he would stay as long as Dean and longer. “You’re more than that Cas. I don’t know if we’ve- or I’ve told you that enough, but you need to hear it, you need to listen to it and keep it in the front of your mind.” Dean sits up a little and grabs Cas’s hands, still a little bloody, beaten and bruised. “Cas, if where not here anymore- if i leave this earth and get thrown to the empty, you have to promise that you’ll stay here. If God thinks that and Sam-” Dean laughs a bit at that “If he thinks, that Sam and me, is what the world needs, then i think you’re in good shape to be needed too Cas. I need you therefore; the world needs you. You got that?”

Cas stays still, trying to take in what he’s hearing and he smiles sadly. He knows what Dean means. They sit in silence for a bit, Dean’s thumb smoothing over the back of Cas’s hand. He enjoys when Dean is this intimate and gives him little touches like a rub on the arm, a hand on his knee, or like what he’s doing right now. The touches left behind what Cas could only refer to as bees buzzing under his skin, or even sometimes like a nice warm bath. Sometimes Cas looks up and Dean is looking back at him. Crinkles forming beside his eyes and his mouth relaxing into a soft smile. It actually feels almost as if he’s loved, but he can’t let it in. 

“Dean, why do you look at me like that?” Dean looks up from their nestled hands, the crinkles by his eyes already there. 

“Like what?” the look on his face slowly contorting into the same face he makes when Sam accuses him of eating something of his.

But Cas looks at him expectantly, choosing to be patient with Dean.

“Cas, like I said, I need you.” Cas knows he doesn’t deserve to hear it and he shouldn’t hear it.

But he wants to.

He wants it to be there, in the front of his mind. 

“I understand, really this time i get it. I promise that if-”

“-When.” Dean corrects him, with a squeeze to fingers

“When you leave i will be here, until the end of time to carry out your duty.”

“Because?” Dean prods, bringing Cas’s hands up to his face and rubbing them, trying to warm him up. Cas can feel that hot bath feeling again and the buzzing come up his arms and through his shoulders, making them go limp.

“Because the world needs me too, just like you need me.” Dean shakes his head.

“I wouldn’t say just like. I need you for a little more selfish reasons.”

“Id say the world needing me just to keep it alive is somewhat selfish of the world.” Dean huffs another laugh out at that. “Now you have to promise me the same.” Dean is looking at Cas with an unreadable look, but nods his head. Cas recited Dean’s words back to him, not the first time he’s used Deans words against him. “I need you therefore; the world needs you.” Dean licked lips for what seemed like the thousandth time. His throat kept trying to close up on him and his mouth ran dry

“Cas I don't just need you, I want you.” Cas could feel Dean hands trying to grip tighter trying to coax himself into saying whatever he was holding back. To remind himself why he should say it, so that Cas would stay. 

“I love you.”

And all Cas can do is cry. He was angry he let Dean go that far, angry he didn’t run away from his loving hands, angry he let himself live this long to only further disappoint Dean.

“Say it back.” Dean whispers, pleading, tears forming in his eyes too. Cas sat with a horrid lump in his throat.

Cas can’t bring himself to speak past it so he just shook his head while Dean is looking at him in disbelief. Disbelief that he just told Cas his feelings, poured out his heart and soul to keep him, that Cas doesn’t feel the same, that now he’s just scared Cas and he’s going to leave. He’s not though, He should leave but Cas still feels himself wanting to stay, and he promised Dean. Even though he has to face Dean everyday, he knows he’ll be able to stay. The empty can’t take him, if he can’t have Dean. He doesn’t know if Dean will still have him though. Let him stay? after this? This is the only way he can carry out Dean’s promise, both of them hurting. 

It’s unfair, but necessary. Castiel doubts how necessary it is though, if he weren’t here, if he didn’t get so involved with humans, none of this would be happening. He wouldn’t have to tell Dean he doesn’t love him in order to save himself and save Dean from Dean’s self. 

“Why Cas?” Dean can tell something was wrong, but he doesn’t know what. Cas can’t tell him though. Dean would try and interfere and they had just made a pact that both of them must stay alive, for each other, with each other. He doesn’t know what to answer this time but he can’t lie anymore, so he won’t. 

“I’ve made too many promises.” Cas is trying to avoid his eyes, but Dean is persistent and chased his eyeline. 

“Dammit Cas that not good enough!” Dean’s voice brakes and wilts, but there's still anger behind it. “What did you do?” 

“Nothing.” Cas grits his teeth and stands up. He doesn’t want to lie, but Dean doesn’t leave him a choice. “Im keeping my promises.” Cas tries to push past Dean but he grabs his hand again. He immediately withdraws it. 

“So you’ll stay?” Cas can feel that lump again, so he just nods his head. 

And with that, Castiel goes to his bed by himself, leaving Dean alone, but not fully.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i didnt deal with indenting every time someone talked my computer wont let me!! feel free to leave any suggestions for another chapter or a critique if you want. im looking more for plot and writing critiques not so much my grammar right now. ill improve on that later pfft. thank you for reading if you did, i know its short and not many people like short fics so really,, THANK YOU!! <333


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